Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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