why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
