Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
