I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
