I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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