Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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