if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
