you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
