I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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