did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
