Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
