Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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