they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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