well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
