There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
