that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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