Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's rum buckets o'clock
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
