I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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