Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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