He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize