He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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