Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
