More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize