My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
