No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
