This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
