my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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