apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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