paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
