his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
