he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
