FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
