dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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