We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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