So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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