haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
