its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i think im in europe. pls send help
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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