So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
