so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
