I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
