ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
