I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
