thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
