Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
