Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are a genius and a whore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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