i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
