my phone needs a breathalizer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
