I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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