Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
