I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
