1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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