dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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