You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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