the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
