I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
