once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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