I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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