they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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