I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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