Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
