I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize