I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
