After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
