i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
