Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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