You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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