It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
