Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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