hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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