Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
