so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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