Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
