Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
